Happy At The Moment

I heard a line the other night from a movie that I can't recall: "I'm tired of being happy at the moment. I want to be happy for good." I'm pretty sure it was a break-up scene, the girl was fed up. I don't remember what was said after, or how things between them turned out. But that line really resonated with me and got me thinking about what really makes me happy.

 I've been feeling so frustrated lately about career moves, as well as geographical ones. I'm back working in the interior design field, using my degree, but not really my potential. I miss teaching and working with kids in Korea. I miss impacting lives, even if by just a small amount. My decision to leave Korea early was mostly based upon a romantic, idealistic notion that was greatly influenced by the holiday season, and the movie "Love Actually." My boyfriend, Mike and I had made it through seven long months of misconstrued emails, Skype calls and a fourteen hour time difference that left both of us needing more sleep. He came to visit, and it was all over after that. My flight back to the states was booked just in time to have me home for Christmas. Bags were packed. 

When I initially left for Korea back in April, (despite my puppy-love state of mind) I had made it clear that living within a fifty mile radius of my hometown was not high on my list if I did decide to move back to the states. I never really thought I would move back to Virginia voluntarily, even if I was in love with someone who lived there. I've always had this need for scenic change, and I've always felt caged when I move back home. And even though I knew Mike had established a life there, and he wasn't able to move around like me, I wasn't concerned about us not working out. I was pretty confident. But if I ended up being wrong, well, wouldn't be the first time. 

It's not that I completely regret making the decision to leave early and move back to VA. I don't, completely. I do regret basing so much of my decision on the idealistic notion that love is enough, which is exactly how I felt at that moment. And I was definitely "happy at the moment."

Things with Mike and I are great, when the rest of the world doesn't factor in. However, it can't seem to stay out of it. And I can't go one day without wondering where else in the world I would rather be, than in the one city that seems to paralyze my ability to function properly. But then I recall moments in Korea where I still felt a little lost, and ready to move on to somewhere new. And then I just attribute that to being leaf (in the wind)-like and still in my twenties.

I just want to get to a point where the grass isn't at all greener, and I don't put so much emphasis on what I don't have, and haven't yet accomplished.